I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
This is the high leading the old right now
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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