My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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