I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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