Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
