What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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