Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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