When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
That was before I lit my hair on fire
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
