Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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