Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
