i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
