Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
