how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
