Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
