I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
