I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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