just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
