I heard we made out
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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