New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
