why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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