Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
