she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
