i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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