Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
