Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
