whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
