Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
