I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We're too hungover to prance.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
