Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
