my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
