just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
