Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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