is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Boobs speak an international language.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
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