What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
