Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
