she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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