i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize