Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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