I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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