i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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