what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize