You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
