I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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