I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
how drunk are you?
Several
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
