Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
