I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I will be naked everywhere
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
