"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
