so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i believe in u and ur pee
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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