Buhtt sex?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
