no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
