my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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