We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
