I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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