people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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