The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
