Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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