this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize