community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
