when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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