we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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