I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize