So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
