My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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