What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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