walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
