I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
When are your genitals available?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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