New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
