I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
