I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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