im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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