My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
don't judge my taste in strippers
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize