im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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