Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
