i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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