this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize