I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
