I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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