a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
