i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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