WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize