I want to stick my p in your. b.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
