She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
