I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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