i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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