watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
