dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
