Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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