Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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