I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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