you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He felt like a one man threesome
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
