I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
