my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
