I can text with my tongue
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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