I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
