do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
