Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
