I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
