i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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