Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
