Nicole vs. Life
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
