we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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