Your mouth is God's brothel.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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