I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
as a side note pls kill me
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
