We won't sleep together?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
