In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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