thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
