Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
