Pappa wants mamma naked
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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