hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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