dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
